How do I Love thee, Independence?

Lately I've been ruminating a great deal on my status of independent artist and business guy.

Overall, I think I prepared myself pretty well for the pitfalls of working from home and being in business for myself. Things like feeling isolated, staying motivated, and riding the waves have been pretty much as expected. Not easy, but at least I knew they were coming.

When I compare my quality of life (and family's life) with last year (when I was making a larger, steady income), it's funny that I don't see any major differences. I don't have the "security" of working for an established company, yet I still manage to:

• live in a nice home
• have an office/studio space with up-to-date equipment
• eat very well
• go on trips, like our Mt St. Helens adventure last week
• see movies
• meet interesting, successful people
• host families for dinner, dessert, sleepovers for the kids
• raise three kids (asked them recently if they felt anything was missing since I left the "company." Nope)

Interesting similarities I find in my work now, compared to previously:

• I still have to manage my own time (self-motivation is key)
• revenue goals must be created and met
• consulting is a major part of what I do; the art is secondary
• challenging myself to constantly improve is a must
• I need to seek out, contemplate, and apply feedback
• night and weekend work is sometimes necessary
• monthly Costco run

The most noticeable difference in my working life now is that I have complete flexibility in my schedule. If I decide that a bike ride will clear my head and get me back into the game, a-riding I will go. If I decide that Thursday is better spent with my family, that's what I do. Of course it means that I need to work on Sunday, but it's completely my decision. No upper-level manager questions my work ethic or lays a guilt trip on me because it's not "The Way." My judgement isn't questioned every time I make a decision that's out of the norm.

As far as security, I actually have less room to f*** up than I did before. Previously, I could potentially go for a month or so without really applying myself before it would even become noticeable. In a sense, I could phone it in. Not that I ever did, of course, but you get the drift.

Now, if I phone it in, my lifestyle suffers. If I don't market myself in May, I have no work in June. It's the whole ant and grasshopper parable.

That's all academic and worth noting, but the stuff I really feel on an emotional level are those times when I'm working from the umbrella table in our garden. Or taking a break to meet the kids at the park before I have to start back on a project.

Considering all the pitfalls of perceived insecurity, ups and downs in revenue, isolation, and doubt, I feel... great.

This is hard. It's not a free day, hookie, or a vacation. Man, it's really difficult sometimes. Challenging is an understatement.

I love it.